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MY LIFE IN THREE PARTS
PART 1:

A GENEALOGY OF SHOPPING

Some products I bought in the past three months...

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A pair of shoes for hiking from here to there.

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A trowel for digging up artifacts that I find along the way.

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A tape measure to measure the spaces where I found them.

PEOPLE WHO BOUGHT THIS PRODUCT ALSO PURCHASED:


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A hat for keeping off the sun.

REVIEWS (4 of 35):
"I tried this hat, but it wasn't the right fit."
"Did the person wearing this hat kill himself? I would."
"This is a great hat for older people. It keeps the sun off my bald head!"
"Hats are for losers."

Review Summary:
Overall Rating: image here 2.2
Comfort Overall Rating: image here2.2
Quality Overall Rating: image here2.3
Style Overall Rating: image here2.1
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Colored yarn for marking the areas I have searched.

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And pencils for recording what lay in the ground.

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A compass app in case I lose my way.

REVIEWS (0 of 0):
There are no comments. Comments are closed...

Review Summary:
Overall Rating: image here 0
Materials Overall Rating: image here0
Quality Overall Rating: image here0
Style Overall Rating: image here0
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A medical kit if something should go wrong.

PEOPLE WHO BOUGHT THIS PRODUCT ALSO PURCHASED:


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A suitcase to carry all my belongings.

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An alarm clock to remind me the search is every day.

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PART 2:

AN ART LESSON
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There is two of everything in this painting: two chairs, two doors, two pillows, a two-sided window, three pairs of pictures on the wall. But only one man lives in this room.

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Up close, these water lillies are an impossibility in nature. From a distance, they give the impression of being real.

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At one time, this man attempted to have an apple removed from his nose, but his doctors refused. Now he has an apple every day, just as they ordered.

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If you're going to have a last supper, use a round table. This way, there are no heads, and everyone is equal—unless you don't have a seat at the table.

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A smile is a smile is a smile.

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This is "a man's man." He rears back his horse and points at the distant mountains. He is a man to be respected because of his dominion over all things. Can you see his slaves toiling in the background?

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If you look closely at this painting, you will see lots of dots. This is called "Pointillism." It is a remarkable achievement in a world that has no point.

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These sunflowers are a work of art. They have no smell, and their petals are as thin as paper. They never grow old or fade. They are imperfect.

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These are the Worn People. They have been worn down by the weather and the bitter harvest of life. See how sharp his pitchfork is!

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Art has gone wild in this room. There is no color, and animals and humans are mixed together in arbitrary ways. Someone needs to turn off the light.

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Why is this man screaming? Is it because the sky is running with molten lava? Is it because his ears hurt? Or is it because two policemen are coming to arrest him?

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This painting is all about the curtain on the left-hand side. Curtains are a symbol for something dark and hidden. They often hide windows, which offer the hope of escape.

PART 3:

HOW MANY TIMES...
\begin{mydef}
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How many times I woke to another day:

18,965
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How many times I counted all the days before:

18,964
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How many times I looked into the mirror and saw my broken form:

51,400
\end{mydef}
\begin{equation}
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How many times I ate a square meal:

53,235
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How many times I drank alcohol:

I don't remember
\end{equation}
\newtheorem{thm}
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How many times I had sex:

4,700
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How many times I laughed:

105,850
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How many times I cried:

58
\endtheorem{thm}
\begin{equation}
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How many times I prayed to God:

1
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How many times I wished for a better life:

1
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How many times I played my part as an obedient citizen and hoped for the best:

too many to count
\end{equation}
\begin{itemize}
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How many times I believed a lie:

100
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How many times I said goodbye for the last time:

6
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How many times I saved someone from drowning:

3
(once it was myself)
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How many times I knowingly killed a living creature:

57
(mostly insects)
\end{itemize}
\begin{proof}
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How many times I've dreamed the day away:

18,965
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How many times I died:

0
\end{proof}
SPUN BY:   ALAN BIGELOW

With thanks to:
Michael Britton at ArtAcademy.com
Archive.org at Archive.org
Hakim El Hattab & reveal.js | Hakim El Hattab
Some photographs supplied by © 2013 ClipArt.com clipart.com
daviddarling.info sound image daviddarling.info
claudiodivizia / 123RF Stock Photo
gitanna / 123RF Stock Photo

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