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So, I’ve learned then that if you have to guess or aren’t really sure, that uncertainty is just your instinct telling you there’s something more you haven’t found.  That’s how it was sometimes with Brian, I kept looking for something more.  Sometimes during brunch, I’d pause between the orange juice, waiting, expecting a better joke, a kinder smile, a broader laugh, pausing too long.  These silences, intentional, should have relayed my disappointment, but I think I’m the only one who really knew what they meant.  I think they were injected to create discomfort, the same discomfort I felt while trying to scoot to the distant end of the bed, unable to get far enough away to sleep soundly.