You try to ping her but get a 401.

You try to trace her and you get a denial of service attack.

You try to open her attachments but you get a blue screen of  


You try a portscan but you get an error type 2

You send her cookies and she hits you with the "I Love You" virus.

You send her pirated MP3s (bad Polish pop tunes) and a pair of

killer porn-video glasses, and

she hits you with the "I need you" virus.